These past couple of days were a bit hard on me. I needed some time by myself in order to think about what’s going to happen and what was truly going on in my heart. The actions that we both shared on that day were spontaneous and care-free. It was like a dream. When when I left, the dream-like day shattered and reality broke us in. I wish that I can go back and just stay in that time but the present cannot not be changed. We need to live in the present and not in the past no matter how hard it may be or seem in the future. We need to think about our own selves and decide what is best and what is right. Sometimes we can come to decisions that we both dont like. I know that I have come to conclusions that I have wished that I have not come to. I wished that my mind and thoughts would choose the other decisions without any concerns but I know deep down that this is the right decisions. I hate it and so I try to find ways out of it and when I cant, I go onto compromises. My heart felt heavy and I felt like there was no way out of where I stood. It wouldn’t help to talk to other people and have them decide my own decisions because there is a huge chance that I will not follow their decisions and advices. No I knew that I had to make my own choice and decisions. Only then would it be final. Only then would I be able to settle my own heart and emotions. Only then would I know what is truly going on in my life, my mind, my heart. Being alone by myself may be lonely but sometimes is necessary. I cant afford to have more outside influences than possible. I need to know that what ever choice that I make, it is by my own thoughts and wanting. My heart is split into two but after my walk, it would be whole and clear once more. I may not seem the same for a while but its alright because as life goes on, I will go on and live once more as the person I used to be and the person I became to be.
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